Family Life

I have a sweet adult son who is estranged from me. This was a him choice. Not a me choice. Of course it is heartbreaking and devastating. We have had some contact through this, and I hope he knows that I am 1. Doing the work he asked me to to help mend our relationship. And 2. Know the things I failed at and the things I didn’t, but have been accused of. 3. Am more than open to reconciliation, expecting that to include more work on me and us.

But this post isn’t about that. It is about the courage he has to do this. He sees this as a necessary part of healing in him what needs to be healed. I am so proud of him for taking those steps he deems necessary to heal himself. I personally think (and I think he knows this too) that this isn’t exactly the right steps. But he is doing what he feels is best for himself right now.

This is where I am jealous. I too have very toxic people in my life and in my family. But instead of having the courage to stand up for what is best for me, I am so worried about what is best for everyone else. It isn’t really even what is best for everyone else. I am so worried about preserving their feelings, that I destroy myself in the process.

This in turn not only harms me, but I am not able to be honest about my own experiences, because I am so careful to preserve the feelings of others. This is so broken.

To my son, I love and respect you so much for the work you do on yourself. And I hope you let me back into your life at some point.